The first Sydney Awesome Tour challenge was sporting-themed. I balked at first, but by midweek I was ready to brainstorm, so we met in the only place that great ideas like the one below can be born: the pub. Joining us was Ben, of Twitter Song fame, who, while the Man and I were enjoying a free bar in Wandsworth last Saturday, was sneakily playing “A Whiter Shade of Pale” on the organ in the inner sanctum of a masonic lodge. Given his history, we figured he might be able to provide us with a clever thought or two.
Several hours, several pints, and lots of Googling later (what did we do before free wifi in pubs?), I had learned two things: that I still don’t understand cricket, and that hamsters are illegal in Australia.
I’ll say that again: hamsters are illegal in Australia.
Maybe it was the cider, but I suddenly couldn’t concentrate on anything but hamsters. Our thoughts went something like this: Hamsters. Cricket? Hamsters. Hamsters. Hamsters. Sport. Cricket. Bowling. Hamsters!
And so, several days of hard work and extensive testing later, behold, Hamster Customs Cricket!
In Australia, it is illegal to keep hamsters as pets, or indeed to import them at all, unless for research purposes–a law put in place to prevent escaped pets from breeding in the wild and becoming a blight on the natural ecosystems (please see here if you don’t believe me).
But the hamsters have heard about New South Wales and feel they’re missing out on the Sydney experience. A rogue group has decided to make a break for it; and in true Sydney style, they’re using the finest cricket techniques to do it. The hamsters are being bowled through customs. How many will be able to sneak past the customs officers?
First, we thought of this (many thanks to Xander for his graphics):
After some thought, we decided that a less messy and slightly more humane (not to mention pub-friendly) version of the game might be better:
To play:
Spin a coin along a flat surface (such as a pub table, or the bottom of a hamster cage) to see if you can get it in between two or more barriers (such as pint glasses). If the coin doesn’t make it through, or hits one of the glasses, you’re out. (Our testing revealed that bowling from a distance of about a foot from the first of the glasses is optimum. Creating one smaller ‘nothing to declare’ gap and a larger but less prize-worthy ‘something to declare’ gap also seems to offer up its own challenges). Whoever gets the most coins through wins–you decide what the prize is.
If you happen to have a hamster or two with you in the pub, why not set them loose and take bets on which one will make it through the ‘nothing to declare’ gap first? They’re known for their remarkable sense of direction.
N.B.
This game’s creators in no way condone the smuggling of illegal goods into the country of Australia, nor the throwing or abusing of hamsters. Please confine all “illegal hamster activity” to this good-hearted and harmless pub game.
No hamsters were harmed during the making of this blog.
Gold. Solid gold.
I love that the ‘Something to declare’ gap gives you less points. It’s always the cop-out option. Much more fun to sneak through ‘nothing to declare’ with pockets full of hamsters and pray they don’t squeak.
I didn’t even know about hamsters being illegal. But I have to say, I am relieved, even proud. All small, tremble in your hands, pockets of guts, foreign animals should be banned.
Good luck Miranda! I must join the next brainstorm.
I can’t resist. Here are some clues to Sydney: part classic Aussie (cricket, Aussie Rules, Rugby League, Rugby Union, beers, beaches, hero culture), part sophisticated international city (very much into long weekend breakfasts, Bondi to Bronte walk, film festivals, including TropFest, the Sydney Festival, swanky bars and shops in Kings Cross, Darlinghurst, Paddington), part fragmented urban/suburban areas (different subcultures, from the pub-filled, former working class suburb of Balmain to the harshly lit Southern beaches, from posh Balmoral and the North Shore to the ‘bible belt’ up in the North west, there’s the Indigenous inner city suburb of Redfern, then the whole Western suburbs is just one new migrant belt after another – actually Balmain started it off with the Irish there or at least that’s how we think of it. You can go right through each wave of new immigrant family. There’s The Rocks- the really pretty colonial area, but most Sydney-siders prefer other parts of town, even the new Kings Wharf/Cockle Bay on the other side of the harbour.)
Thanks for the comments! Especially the quickie breakdown of Sydney. You make it sound like a fascinating place indeed–I definitely need your insight for the next challenge!
xx
A worryingly good concept, for the barfly in all of us. If it obviates the need to smuggle hamsters into pubs (or Australian pubs, for that matter) it can only be considered a Good Thing.
x
Thank you! Appreciate your visit to the site.
Smuggling hamsters into pubs (let alone Australian ones!) is indeed not very practical–but we did come across this during our hamster-research. Maybe a leash would make them more pub friendly?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-5gkbSx4mY
The leash is a nice touch, and I think it might tip the balance in the smuggler’s favour in convincing the pub landlord that it was a guide hamster for the partially-sighted.
x
Quite creative.